Monday, August 29, 2011
Day Five
I took the boat out again today starting early and didn't return until about 9:30PM. I had one shot of Vodka and one beer before calling it a night.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Day Four
After posting last night, I attempted to have some of the vodka I had here. I had two shots, but it felt so "forced" that I wasn't really interested in it. It tasted different, as well, which I thought was very strange. I finished off one beer and opened another, which is still full this morning. I went to bed last night because the thought of drinking more wasn't appealing and I was tired. There have been times where I have forced myself to stay awake to drink more.
This morning, I feel fine. I should be a wreck. My confidence in this program has skyrocketed because I'm seeing actual results. I know it's a long-term treatment that will take up to six months, but these early results are incredibly promising. I know I will end up with a permanent solution to my problem. This stuff is life changing.
UPDATE:
Later on today, I took Nal and had one beer with the neighbors around 2:00PM before taking my boat out. I had one at about 5:00PM before leaving and one at about 7:30PM while out on the water. When I got back, I one at about 10:30PM and another at about 12:30AM and called it a night. I didn't feel the need for any more than that, but that could be down to the fact that I was out on the water, and never drink much while I'm sailing so I can keep my wits about me.
This morning, I feel fine. I should be a wreck. My confidence in this program has skyrocketed because I'm seeing actual results. I know it's a long-term treatment that will take up to six months, but these early results are incredibly promising. I know I will end up with a permanent solution to my problem. This stuff is life changing.
UPDATE:
Later on today, I took Nal and had one beer with the neighbors around 2:00PM before taking my boat out. I had one at about 5:00PM before leaving and one at about 7:30PM while out on the water. When I got back, I one at about 10:30PM and another at about 12:30AM and called it a night. I didn't feel the need for any more than that, but that could be down to the fact that I was out on the water, and never drink much while I'm sailing so I can keep my wits about me.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Day Three
Back home. I took Nal at 1:30 this afternoon in anticipation of friends coming over to drink at about 3:00. It is 10:45 in the evening now and I have been continuously drinking ever since. I am entirely lucid at this point, where normally I would have probably been blacked out by now after 9 hours of straight drinking. I am coherent and thinking properly. I am aware I have been drinking, but my mind works.
My total consumption has been six beers and one margarita over that time. That's it. I can't believe it! I wasn't even keeping score until just now when I had to count the empties. I wasn't even pacing myself. How is that possible?
I just took another Nal because I have now been returned to my most dangerous environment for the first time in this treatment. My friends are gone and I am now alone and in the dark on my boat sitting in the exact spot where so many nights have gone by unremembered. This is my greatest test. I am now left unaccompanied and unaccountable for my actions.
I just opened another beer, but my interest in it is minimal. I'm sipping it. The 375ml of vodka I bought earlier? I don't even want it and it's sitting right here next to me. I am completely uninterested in the very thing that I relied so heavily on just one month ago.
This is one hell of a "honeymoon period," which is what I was told to expect early on in this method. I simply feel completely in control right now. This is so mind-blowing, I have no words for it. Today I was able to find a good level "buzz" and I maintained it without blowing right through it to a black out state. For the first time ever I got a glimpse of what "normal" people must be like.
I am simply amazed.
My total consumption has been six beers and one margarita over that time. That's it. I can't believe it! I wasn't even keeping score until just now when I had to count the empties. I wasn't even pacing myself. How is that possible?
I just took another Nal because I have now been returned to my most dangerous environment for the first time in this treatment. My friends are gone and I am now alone and in the dark on my boat sitting in the exact spot where so many nights have gone by unremembered. This is my greatest test. I am now left unaccompanied and unaccountable for my actions.
I just opened another beer, but my interest in it is minimal. I'm sipping it. The 375ml of vodka I bought earlier? I don't even want it and it's sitting right here next to me. I am completely uninterested in the very thing that I relied so heavily on just one month ago.
This is one hell of a "honeymoon period," which is what I was told to expect early on in this method. I simply feel completely in control right now. This is so mind-blowing, I have no words for it. Today I was able to find a good level "buzz" and I maintained it without blowing right through it to a black out state. For the first time ever I got a glimpse of what "normal" people must be like.
I am simply amazed.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Days One and Two
Day One
I took my first dose last night before hanging out with my band after rehearsal. I had two beers, and I drank much more slowly than the guys in the band and much more slowly than usual. I had more than half a beer left when they were done. I don't really know what to attribute that to yet. It could be that we were talking quite a bit. I did want more afterward, though I'm not sure how much. I haven't had an opportunity to try this out on my own in the place where I normally drink to excess. This weekend will be the first time for that.
The forum thinks that this is a very positive sign.
Day Two
Alcohol free by necessity. I'm in a sober home until tomorrow and I have court early.
I took my first dose last night before hanging out with my band after rehearsal. I had two beers, and I drank much more slowly than the guys in the band and much more slowly than usual. I had more than half a beer left when they were done. I don't really know what to attribute that to yet. It could be that we were talking quite a bit. I did want more afterward, though I'm not sure how much. I haven't had an opportunity to try this out on my own in the place where I normally drink to excess. This weekend will be the first time for that.
The forum thinks that this is a very positive sign.
Day Two
Alcohol free by necessity. I'm in a sober home until tomorrow and I have court early.
About Me
I'm a 31 year-old newly minted attorney, and my problems with drinking began about ten years ago in college, mostly limited to binge drinking on the weekends. However, blackouts were not uncommon. The pattern was similar to this for the next several years, but my drinking steadily increased. I began drinking alone at some point around my junior year in college. The amounts were unpredictable.
In law school, things began to get worse more quickly. I'd say about 90% of the time everything went well, even if I blacked out, but that other 10% always worried me. Again, I never knew how it would end up. I began going on benders about once every two months or so. I also discovered the morning drink and withdrawal symptoms.
Two years ago, during the summer between classes, I was drinking daily like it was my job. I'm pretty sure I drank all day every day for three months. I developed a system. 375ml of rum or vodka was just about perfect for an evening.
That was the system for a while until I started going on more frequent benders and it began to interfere with my life. I checked into rehab in January of this year to try to put a stop to what I saw was a losing battle. I made it four months clean, and have been on and off the wagon ever since. I've been through sober living houses and AA, and I'm not at the same level I was late last year, but it's also not under control. I'd say it's closer to 95% of the time things go fine now, but I still drink too much.
I've been skeptical of AA's approach for quite some time. The lack of success and the lack of science has always bothered me, along with some questions no one can answer convincingly:
1. Why is this the only mental illness that requires a "spiritual" remedy? Depression doesn't require this, it requires medication and counseling or other forms of treatment. If I'm depressed, will working "steps" fix me?
2. Why is this the only "allergy" that requires a "spiritual" remedy? Since I'm allergic to cats, is it because I'm spiritually bankrupt?
3. Why is AA the ONLY way to treat this "disease"? Depression, cancer, etc. have many different forms of treatment. Every disease has multiple forms of treatment.
TSM makes sense to me on a fundamental level. To paraphrase Dr. Sinclair: "There are no immoral lab rats." I now understand the science behind why AA doesn't work very well and why long-term AA members relapse and why they relapse so hard.
For me, if anything, it's science that will save my soul.
In law school, things began to get worse more quickly. I'd say about 90% of the time everything went well, even if I blacked out, but that other 10% always worried me. Again, I never knew how it would end up. I began going on benders about once every two months or so. I also discovered the morning drink and withdrawal symptoms.
Two years ago, during the summer between classes, I was drinking daily like it was my job. I'm pretty sure I drank all day every day for three months. I developed a system. 375ml of rum or vodka was just about perfect for an evening.
That was the system for a while until I started going on more frequent benders and it began to interfere with my life. I checked into rehab in January of this year to try to put a stop to what I saw was a losing battle. I made it four months clean, and have been on and off the wagon ever since. I've been through sober living houses and AA, and I'm not at the same level I was late last year, but it's also not under control. I'd say it's closer to 95% of the time things go fine now, but I still drink too much.
I've been skeptical of AA's approach for quite some time. The lack of success and the lack of science has always bothered me, along with some questions no one can answer convincingly:
1. Why is this the only mental illness that requires a "spiritual" remedy? Depression doesn't require this, it requires medication and counseling or other forms of treatment. If I'm depressed, will working "steps" fix me?
2. Why is this the only "allergy" that requires a "spiritual" remedy? Since I'm allergic to cats, is it because I'm spiritually bankrupt?
3. Why is AA the ONLY way to treat this "disease"? Depression, cancer, etc. have many different forms of treatment. Every disease has multiple forms of treatment.
TSM makes sense to me on a fundamental level. To paraphrase Dr. Sinclair: "There are no immoral lab rats." I now understand the science behind why AA doesn't work very well and why long-term AA members relapse and why they relapse so hard.
For me, if anything, it's science that will save my soul.
Introduction to this Blog and The Sinclair Method
This blog will track my experiences using a method of treatment for alcoholism and problem drinking known as The Sinclair Method or TSM.
I have a rocky history with alcohol that spans about 10 years, and have lost control of drinking. Whether or not I'm an alcoholic has actually been the subject of debate among those who have treated me, but the point is, it is uncontrollable at times. I will expand more in my "About Me" blog post.
The fundamental difference between TSM and most traditional treatment programs is that TSM requires that I drink as a part of recovery. However, I must only do so after taking a 50mg dose of Naltrexone one hour prior and only taking it if I'll be drinking.
In short, the rules are:
1. Take Naltrexone one hour prior to drinking and drink as I normally would.
2. I mustn't drink if I haven't taken Naltrexone or it has been less than one hour since my dosage.
3. I mustn't take Naltrexone unless I will be drinking.
Using this medication as above and drinking as I normally would in situations where I normally would will eventually result in a decrease in my craving for alcohol over time.
The Realistic Expectation: I have an 80% chance over the course of three to six months to return to drinking patterns that are "normal" and not problematic or alcoholic.
I intend for this blog to be as accurate a description of my experiences as possible, so there will be no editing and likely several posts made while highly intoxicated.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sinclair_Method is a good place to start for more information on The Sinclair Method with some very useful external links at the bottom.
I have a rocky history with alcohol that spans about 10 years, and have lost control of drinking. Whether or not I'm an alcoholic has actually been the subject of debate among those who have treated me, but the point is, it is uncontrollable at times. I will expand more in my "About Me" blog post.
The fundamental difference between TSM and most traditional treatment programs is that TSM requires that I drink as a part of recovery. However, I must only do so after taking a 50mg dose of Naltrexone one hour prior and only taking it if I'll be drinking.
In short, the rules are:
1. Take Naltrexone one hour prior to drinking and drink as I normally would.
2. I mustn't drink if I haven't taken Naltrexone or it has been less than one hour since my dosage.
3. I mustn't take Naltrexone unless I will be drinking.
Using this medication as above and drinking as I normally would in situations where I normally would will eventually result in a decrease in my craving for alcohol over time.
The Realistic Expectation: I have an 80% chance over the course of three to six months to return to drinking patterns that are "normal" and not problematic or alcoholic.
I intend for this blog to be as accurate a description of my experiences as possible, so there will be no editing and likely several posts made while highly intoxicated.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sinclair_Method is a good place to start for more information on The Sinclair Method with some very useful external links at the bottom.
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